101 Funny Mental Health Quotes To Help You Loosen Up

Mental health is no laughing matter. Nearly one billion people worldwide live with some form of mental disorder. In other words, one in seven of us will crawl through that dark patch in our short stint on this planet. 

But, hey! Who said we should turn blind to the funny side and not squeeze a laugh out of this terrible illness? Not Jesus, definitely.

 Laughter is the best medicine, after all. For laughter, everything can be a fodder. 

So, here are 101 totally funny and totally fictious mental health quotes. All of these jokes churned up to give you a respite from the grips of the dark cloud of mental illness. Lighten up!

1. “Letting go of attachments is essential for inner peace, but have you ever tried letting go of your WiFi password? Now that’s a real challenge!” – Dalai Lama
2. “Verily, I say unto you: It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for someone with anxiety to chill out. Let’s work on that serenity, folks!” – Jesus
3. “I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, but when it comes to handling my emotions, even I need a coach in the ring of mental health!” – Muhammad Ali
4. “I may be the Fresh Prince, but even royalty needs a therapist to keep things ‘summertime’ in the mind.” – Will Smith
5. “Building walls is my expertise, but breaking down emotional walls? Now that’s a job for a winner. Trust me, I know all about winning, even in therapy!” – Donald Trump
6. “I may be the President, but even in the Oval Office, there’s no policy to avoid self-care. Remember folks, sometimes a good conversation is the best stimulus package for your mental health!” – Joe Biden
7. “I’m born this way, but therapy still helps me dance through the poker face of my emotions. Even when I’m wearing meat dresses, my mind deserves some tender loving care!” – Lady Gaga
8. “I’ve faced many challenges, but nothing compares to the battle for inner peace. Even when you’re not in the White House, it’s essential to keep the mental state on diplomatic terms.” – Hillary Clinton
9. “I may run the world, but even Queen Bey needs a mental health break. Remember, self-love is the key to flawless resilience, no matter how flawless you already are!” – Beyonce
10. “I meditate, but some days my thoughts meditate more than I do. Enlightenment is a journey, not a destination, and sometimes my mind takes the scenic route!” – A Buddhist Monk
11. “I may be drowning my sorrows, but at least I’m a good swimmer. Life is like a bottle of whiskey – it’s important to savor the moments, even if you forget them the next day!” – A Drunk
12. “Ooh-ooh-ah-ah! Banana in hand, but even swinging from trees gets me thinking. Sometimes I ponder life’s bananas in my own jungle of thoughts!” – A Monkey
13. “Horn on my nose, thick skin on my back, but even a rhino like me needs to charge away from life’s stress. Sometimes it’s about finding your own safari of serenity in the wild of the mind!” – A Rhino
14. “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Especially if it’s overthinking.” – Nelson Mandela
15. “I’m not crazy; my reality is just different from yours. It’s called celebrity perception.” – Lewis Carroll
16. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
17. “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… and spiders. Definitely spiders.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
18. “I’m on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I’m gonna rip it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres
19. “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
20. “I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I’m a billionaire.” – Howard Hughes
21. “I’m not a doctor. I just have a degree in psychology; that means I’m not qualified to help but you’re welcome to tell me all about it.” – Daria Morgendorffer
22. “I’m not anxious; I’m just extremely aware of all the potential disasters that could happen at any given moment.” – Mindy Kaling
23. “I don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred days in hell.” – Cher
24. “I’m not sure if I passed that test, but I know I accidentally graduated.” – Kanye West
25. “I never wanted to weigh more heavily on a man than a bird.” – Coco Chanel 
26. “I’m not disorganized; I’m just highly efficient in a parallel universe.” – Albert Einstein
27. “I’m not an alcoholic; I’m just a drink enthusiast.” – George Bernard Shaw 
28. “I’m not a hypochondriac. I’m an over-achieving worrier.” – Woody Allen 
29. “I’m not depressed. I just like the sound of rain, okay?” – Bill Gates 
30. “My therapist says I have a pre-existing condition called ‘being too fabulous.’” – Unknown
31. “I’m not a control freak, but can you at least listen to my suggestions?” – Madonna 
32. “I’m not antisocial; I’m just selectively social.” – Johnny Depp 
33. “I’m not avoiding work. I’m on a quest to make my coffee break last all day.” – Thomas Edison 
34. “I’m not a pessimist; I’m just preparing for the worst-case scenario and hoping for the best over WiFi.” – Winston Churchill 
35. “I’m not avoiding responsibilities; I’m just on a mental health vacation without the sun, sand, or any actual vacation.” – Oprah Winfrey 
36. “I’m not forgetful; my memory is just on a coffee break, probably at Starbucks.” – Benjamin Franklin 
37. “My mind is not a mess; it’s just a subscription to the premium version of chaos.” – Pablo Picasso 
38. “I’m not a control freak; I just have a heightened sense of how things should be correctly done.” – Steve Jobs 
39. “I’m not avoiding social gatherings; I’m just practicing extreme social distancing, even from my own shadow.” – Albert Einstein 
40. “I’m not indecisive; I’m conducting a comprehensive analysis of all available options and still can’t make up my mind.” – Jane Austen 
41. “I’m not crazy; my reality is just on a never-ending roller coaster with no safety instructions.” – Sigmund Freud 
42. “I’m not disorganized; I’m just an artist with a penchant for abstract living.” – Vincent van Gogh 
43. “I’m not avoiding work; I’m just on a creative sabbatical, sponsored by procrastination.” – J.K. Rowling 
44. “I’m not avoiding exercise; I’m maintaining a healthy level of inertia.” – Mahatma Gandhi 
45. “I’m not late; I’m fashionably challenged by the space-time continuum.” – Coco Chanel 
46. “I’m not a perfectionist; I just appreciate when everything is exactly the way I want it.” – Martha Stewart 
47. “I’m not a hypochondriac; I’m just conducting thorough research on all the diseases I probably don’t have.” – Marie Curie 
48. “I’m not ignoring your call; I’m just giving my phone some well-deserved alone time.” – Alexander Graham Bell 
49. “I’m not avoiding commitment; I’m in a serious relationship with uncertainty.” – Marilyn Monroe 
50. “I’m not procrastinating; I’m in a strategic delay to maximize creativity, eventually.” – Leonardo da Vinci 
51. “I’m not a night owl; I’m a midnight philosopher contemplating the meaning of snooze buttons.” – Plato 
52. “I’m not avoiding people; I’m just practicing social self-preservation.” – Audrey Hepburn 
53. “I’m not forgetful; I’m just making room for more valuable information, like cat memes.” – Isaac Newton 
54. “I told my therapist I had a fear of commitment, and she gave me a 10-session package. Now that’s what I call commitment issues!” – George Clooney
55. “I’m not saying I’m a psychologist, but I have successfully diagnosed my WiFi issues at home.” – Elon Musk
56. “I asked my psychiatrist if laughter is the best medicine. He said, ‘Sure, but your insurance only covers prescription drugs.'” – Ellen DeGeneres
57. “I have a dream, a dream where my anxiety takes a vacation, and I get to be the boss of my own dreams. Call it the ‘Dream-ocracy.’ ” – Martin Luther King Jr.
58. “I tried meditating, but my inner peace is on a coffee break. Namaste in bed, folks!” – Buddha
59. “They say laughter is contagious, but so is my neighbor’s Wi-Fi password. Now that’s a strong connection.” – Oprah Winfrey
60. “I once asked my therapist if I could bring my emotional baggage as a carry-on. She recommended checking it, but who trusts airlines with their emotional baggage?” – Taylor Swift
61. “I have two moods: coffee and no coffee. Decaf? That’s just a sad, empty mug of lies.” – Marilyn Monroe
62. “I’m not saying I’m a genius, but I’ve successfully mastered the art of avoiding responsibility. Call it the ‘Einstein-avoidance theory.'” – Albert Einstein
63. “I asked my psychologist for advice on handling stress. He said, ‘Stress is like a blender without a lid. Don’t press the button, or you’ll have a mess to clean up.'” – Julia Child
64. “My therapist told me to face my fears, so I went to the fridge without checking its contents first. Now that’s bravery!” – Amelia Earhart
65. “I asked my psychiatrist for a second opinion. He said, ‘Sure, you’re ugly too.’ That’s a double diagnosis!” – Woody Allen
66. “I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I can predict when my alarm will go off—always when I’m in the deepest sleep.” – Nostradamus
67. “I asked my psychiatrist if laughter is the best medicine. He said, ‘No, penicillin is. But laughter is a close second, just avoid contagious jokes.'” – Alexander Fleming
68. “I told my therapist I have a fear of commitment. He recommended getting a plant. So now I have a plant, but we’re just friends.” – Justin Bieber
69. “I asked my psychologist for a self-esteem boost. He suggested buying taller shoes. Turns out, confidence is in the sole.” – Tom Cruise
70. “I’m not saying I’m a relationship expert, but I have successfully mastered the art of talking to my plants. They’re great listeners.” – Dr. Ruth Westheimer
71. “I asked my therapist if it’s normal to talk to myself. He said, ‘As long as you’re not taking relationship advice from yourself, you’re fine.'” – Oprah Winfrey
72. “I told my psychiatrist I have a fear of heights. He suggested I lower my expectations. I’m now living my life at sea level.” – Queen Elizabeth II
73. “I asked my therapist if I could expense my emotional baggage as a business trip. Turns out, there’s no reimbursement for excess luggage.” – Bill Gates
74. “I’m not saying I’m an expert on mental health, but I did once successfully navigate through an entire day without losing my keys. Call me a guru.” – Dalai Lama
75. “I told my psychiatrist I need a vacation from my problems. He suggested a ‘mindful retreat.’ I guess that’s just a fancy way of saying Netflix binge.” – Michelle Obama
76. “I asked my therapist if laughter is the best medicine. He replied, ‘It’s effective, but chocolate works wonders too.’ So, I went for the Snickers prescription.” – Albert Einstein
77. “I once asked my psychologist if my bed qualifies as a safe space. She said, ‘Only if you don’t bring your phone to bed.’ Tough love!” – Oprah Winfrey
78. “I’m not a nutritionist, but my recommended daily intake of stress is precisely zero. It’s a zero-calorie diet, highly recommended.” – Gordon Ramsay
79. “I told my life coach I have a fear of commitment. He said, ‘You can’t ghost your own goals.’ Now that’s a commitment!” – Taylor Swift
80. “I’m not a therapist, but I’ve successfully diagnosed my phone with separation anxiety every time I leave it in another room.” – Dr. Phil
81. “I asked my psychiatrist for advice on handling stress. He said, ‘Stress is like a ninja; you never see it coming until it hits you with a sneak attack.'” – Bruce Lee
82. “I’m not saying I’m a detective, but I’ve successfully solved the mystery of why my socks disappear in the laundry. Turns out, the washing machine is the culprit.” – Sherlock Holmes
83. “I’m not a motivational speaker, but I have mastered the art of convincing myself that going to the gym is just as effective as actually working out.” – Tony Robbin
84. “I asked my psychologist for a quick fix for stress. He handed me a bubble wrap and said, ‘Stress relief at your fingertips.’ Genius!” – Marie Curie
85. “I’m not a comedian, but my anxiety thinks it’s performing at a stand-up comedy club. It never knows when to leave the stage.” – Ellen DeGeneres
86. “I asked my life coach for a shortcut to success. He said, ‘Take the scenic route. It’s less crowded.’ Now I’m lost, but the view is great!” – Elon Musk
87. “I’m not an astronaut, but I’ve successfully navigated through the black hole of procrastination. It’s a space-time continuum thing.” – Neil Armstrong
88. “I told my therapist I have trust issues. He suggested trying to trust my GPS more than my instincts. Spoiler alert: I still got lost.” – Amelia Earhart
89. “I’m not a philosopher, but I’ve successfully contemplated the meaning of life. It’s a secret, but I’ll tell you for a cookie.” – Plato
90. “I asked my psychiatrist if multitasking is a superpower. He said, ‘Only if you can simultaneously juggle responsibilities and maintain inner peace.’ Challenge accepted!” – Wonder Woman
91. “I’m not a fortune teller, but I predict that avoiding responsibilities will be the key to my happiness. It’s like a crystal ball, but with more snacks.” – Nostradamus
92. “I told my therapist I have a fear of commitment. She suggested I start with committing to finishing a tube of toothpaste before buying a new one.” – Julia Roberts
93. “I’m not saying I’m a life coach, but I once successfully coached myself into taking a nap. Self-care guru level unlocked.” – Tony Robbins
94. “I asked my psychologist if my constant self-talk counts as a conversation. He said, ‘It depends on whether you’re sharing popcorn with yourself.'” – Ellen DeGeneres
95. “I’m not a weatherman, but I can forecast my moods with surprising accuracy. It’s either sunshine or scattered emotional thunderstorms.” – Al Roker
96. “I told my psychiatrist I need a mental health app. He suggested I create one called ‘Procrastinatify’ – where tasks linger but motivation is optional.” – Mark Zuckerberg
97. “I’m not a fashionista, but my anxiety likes to dress up in worst-case scenario couture. It’s the trendiest of mental outfits.” – Anna Wintour
98. “I asked my life coach for a shortcut to success. He handed me a map of ‘Lost in Thought’ territory and said, ‘Enjoy the scenic detour.'” – Elon Musk
99. “I’m not a chef, but I’ve mastered the art of cooking my feelings into a gourmet meal. It’s called ‘Emotifood’ – a feast for the soul.” – Gordon Ramsay
100. “I told my therapist I need a life hack for handling stress. He suggested I start a ‘Stress Scrapbooking’ club. I’m the only member.” – Marie Kondo

Some more mental health jokes? Say no more. Here you go.

1. “I’m not a magician, but I can make my to-do list disappear faster than you can say ‘presto change-o.’ It’s an illusion of productivity.” – David Copperfield
2. “I asked my psychiatrist if laughter therapy is covered by insurance. He said, ‘The co-pay is a good joke, but the deductible is your dignity.'” – Jimmy Fallon
3. “I’m not a motivational speaker, but I’ve successfully inspired myself to set low expectations. It’s the key to never being disappointed.” – Zig Ziglar
4. “I told my life coach I need a mantra for daily affirmations. He suggested ‘Namaste in bed.’ Now that’s a philosophy I can get behind.” – Deepak Chopra
5. “I asked my psychologist if chocolate can cure anxiety. He said, ‘No, but it can make the journey a lot more enjoyable.'” – Willy Wonka
6. “I’m not a therapist, but I’ve successfully diagnosed my cat with a severe case of ‘Feline Indifference Disorder.’ It’s a common ailment.” – Dr. Dolittle
7. “I told my psychiatrist I need a hobby for stress relief. He suggested ‘extreme napping.’ I’m training for the nap Olympics.” – Usain Bolt
8. “I’m not a philosopher, but I’ve successfully pondered the meaning of life. It’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma, sprinkled with existential glitter.” – Aristotle
9. “I told my life coach I’ve mastered time travel. Turns out, it was just daylight-saving time.” – Albert Einstein 
10. “I once asked my therapist if my refrigerator has abandonment issues. Now I leave encouraging notes on its door.” – Oprah Winfrey 
11. “I’m not a superhero, but I’ve successfully mastered the power of invisibility. It usually happens when I try to impress someone.” – Wonder Woman
12. “I told my therapist I can speak fluent cat. Now I just meow during awkward silences. It’s purr-fectly therapeutic.” – Taylor Swift 
13. “I asked my life coach for the secret to happiness. He said, ‘Just imagine you’re a penguin in a tuxedo on rollerblades.’ It works!” – Dalai Lama 
14. “I asked my therapist if my car has separation anxiety. Now I sing ‘I Will Survive’ every time I leave the parking lot.” – Gloria Gaynor 
15. “I’m not a scientist, but I’ve discovered a parallel universe where calories don’t count. It’s called ‘Snacktropolis.'” – Marie Curie
16. “I asked my psychiatrist for advice on time management. He said, ‘Schedule your existential crises for Fridays. It’s a great start to the weekend.'” – Marie Kondo 
17. “I told my therapist I have a fear of commitment. She suggested I marry my favorite pizza topping. Pepperoni and I are very happy together.” – Julia Roberts
18. “D’oh! Donuts and beer are great, but even I know that the real journey is in finding the inner ‘mmm…mental donut’ and ‘mmm…beer of serenity.’ Maybe it’s hiding behind the couch!” – Homer Simpson